I wanted to start off with a title for comedic effect. Or is it affect? Yes, it’s that kind of list where I make fun of myself and not care.
Disclaimers: I haven’t taught in Thai schools for about a year. Past attempts included one private and three public institutions. Zero teaching credentials, but I must have taken a nice picture and had a good smile because I got hired very, very fast. I do have a Masters’s degree in Engineering from America and I’m between the ages of 40 and 50. I taught mostly in or near big cities in Central Thailand, but once in a small town in Issan.
The list will be true to the best of my knowledge, with some hyperbole for added comedy. Not sure if hyperbole is used properly there, but I’m saying I’ll exaggerate some stuff … ok bro? Don’t taze me, bro!!! OMG, this clown was a teacher??? Yes, there will be international teachers (real teachers) who will ride in on their high horse…..can’t wait for their comments. 100,000 per month with credentials even a Harvard profession would admire. Well, why is LOS so bad at English Mr. Real Teacher?
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1. Looks are way more important than what you teach
2. Students will take your picture at random times, record you during class, and who knows where these videos end up. Facebook live, Tik Tok, who knows…. I never cared.
3. Kids will sleep in your class, and more than one
4. You will try to teach 45 kids in a room without aircon, birds nesting in the rafters, and sometimes (rarely) a Thai teacher will sit and observe.
5. The books you are supposed to use are absolutely garbage. Either way too easy or way too hard.
6. You can teach the same lesson for all grades. I’m talking about kids 7 years old to 18.
7. Thai students like to speak in groups, can read fairly well, average pronunciation, but 99% will give their best and that’s the most important part.
8. No matter what, tell the kids they did a good job. These kids are super sensitive. If they laugh, then you can laugh with them, but that takes experience.
9. Never raise your voice. I don’t think I ever did, no reason.
10. Speak Thai, play Thai music. In an English class?? YES. You bond with the kids, and they are happy you like their culture. Usually a few minutes before class starts.
11. Give them difficult quizzes. It doesn’t matter, everyone passes. Challenge them.
12. Everyone will cheat. The ways they do are comical.
13. Never, ever think these kids are your close friends. Never make it creepy.
14. If you don’t like a teacher, just don’t talk with them
15. Teachers will be upset you get paid 30,000 while they get 15,000 and have to work twice as hard.
16. Most Thai teachers are very bad at English; however, you will learn these kids don’t have many other options.
17. Food at school is hit-or-miss
18. Most schools are profit-centers, don’t forget that.
19. Corruption at school is always talked about, but that’s it. No idea what really happens.
20. You are a foreigner. You will hear FARANG all day.
21. You will likely not get invited to many meetings, you don’t understand Thai well enough
22. You will have thousands of kids saying, “hi” to you all day, you must smile
23. Some teachers will complain about your attire, but that never happened to me. Other farangs, yes.
24. You will have to teach about 20 hours a week, 20 different classes, 45 kids per class, but sometimes a class is canceled and you don’t see them for weeks.
25. Exams take a week. Review takes a week. Holidays last weeks. Really, you don’t teach much.
26. Kids can show up 20 minutes late. Usually 5
27. Many, many teachers show up 10 minutes late. For a 50-minute class
28. Many teachers play on their phone during class
29. Some teachers simply play YouTube to kids who are about 16 years old
30. Everything is appearance.
31. If the kids like you and you teach them nothing, the school will love you.
32. If you smile, act like a clown, dance with the kids, you will get a contract extension
33. Some schools only pay 10 months
34. I’ve heard more than a few farang teachers talk about female students in a sexual way. It’s really disgusting.
35. I’ve seen a teacher drink with a student
36. I’ve heard many other teachers go drinking with students
37. Teachers will tell sexual jokes in class, well, one told me he did. I’m guessing he wasn’t the only one
38. I’ve seen a school lose 40 teachers in a year. That was a private school, it’s all about the money
39. Selling kids junk food while giving them small portions for lunch
40. Parents own the school if they want. Teachers have very little power
41. Students understand Number 40
42. The less you care, the better you teach
43. You will go crazy saying Hi, Hello, apple, banana 10000000000x a day
44. You will go crazy talking like a five-year-old to 18-year-olds all day, every week
45. All for the visa before retirement
46. Don’t feel bad if a teacher acts really nice to you at school and doesn’t say, “Hi” outside of school
47. Farang teachers have way more power than they know, but only if white, good looking, and from the UK or America. Almost none use this power.
48. If you fit into Number 47, it’s almost impossible to get fired.
49. You will work with non-native teachers who are nice but can’t speak English at all.
50. One English teacher from an Asia country told my students you can’t say, “Hi.” Only “Hello.” yea, OK, whatever.
51. Grammer is the least of my concerns. That would be next-level teaching, maybe college.
52. Yes, teachers show up drunk. Farang teachers.
53. You are told you aren’t really a teacher, so it’s hard to invest with a particular school.
54. If you are late, you might be fire. Early and do nothing, perfect. Late, do everything, fired.
55. I’ve only had to do gate duty at one school, 7 a.m. smiling at kids for 90 minutes. It’s crazy. This was near Bangkok and it was super hot.
56. Farang teachers might try to get you fired, this I never understood. It happens all the time.
57. Once I saw three foreign teachers leave in one week. Great for the kids!! OMG
58. If you can’t get a teaching job in a week, the problem is you.
59. Kids won’t do your homework, they don’t care. They know they will pass.
60. The key is to smile and wai everyone. Like a robot. 7:30 a.m. to 4:30 pm.
61. You will get exhausted.
62. You won’t save much money
63. Maybe one room out of 20 has aircon.
64. If you come to Thailand to make money and you are from America, you are a moron.
65. Pension? Yea, maybe, but not in my case.
66. Insurance? I think I was covered for 5000 baht. That’s nothing.
67. Teachers are very well respected in Thailand, and that is nice.
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Was it worth it? Not all four years, no. I’m on an ED Visa now and this is worth it. The kids were amazing, but I’m sure I didn’t teach them much. HOWEVER, compared to the other “teachers,” I think I was very good. It’s really sad, actually. No wonder English competency in Thailand is worse than Cambodia. I didn’t help LOS with their rankings, lol.
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I’ll say it again: if young stay home and do a real career. If super old, be a teacher to keep that cash burn rate low. If middle-aged, depends on your nest age. If broke, stay home. If you have a bad attitude with kids, or into young girls, well, you know my answer. You are definitely a role model, so act like one. You are their father, not their friend. A mentor, not a buddy. Be professional!!!! That seems to be impossible.
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I’m sure we’ll get the real teachers defending their work. LOL. Can’t wait to read that dribble….
