(cross-posted with the Thailand sub, since I’m casting a wide net on insightful help here)
I’d prefer that this thread doesn’t turn into a series of boasts by men declaring how little (or no) sinsod they paid. Rather, I’m looking for practical advice on how to navigate this delicate situation. Few facts of the matter:
1) I love this woman very much. I am American and she is from eastern Isan near the Laos border.
2) She is presently a university student and will likely not have much of an income-generating career upon graduation
3) She and her parents apparently talked about sinsod (and the 1m #) quite extensively before it was brought up to me
4) Her parents are nakhon rural people near the Laos border. Not farmers, they work for a shipping business, so I guess I’d say middle-class relative to the area.
5) My gf (fiance I suppose) swears to me up and down that 1m baht is the reasonable, expected amount to be displayed on the sinsod plate at the ceremony.
6) The parents informed us last night that half of the sinsod would be handed to my gf at the conclusion of the ceremony, while the other half would be held in perpetuity by them until my gf “has need of it”.
7) The 1m baht figure is non-negotiable.
8) This is $28,000 USD, effectively $30k USD once exchange fees and transfer fees are accounted for (I don’t use a thai bank account).
Everything was going fine between my gf and I before this past week when all of this was sprung on me. Right now, my default gut reaction is to “run for the hills” and I’m presently looking at flights out of the country. Is there an argument to be made for me staying? On the one hand I don’t want to do anything rash, but on the other hand I don’t wish to be taken for a fool by these people.
So basically I’m looking for insight more than anything. (Again, boast posts don’t help)
Thanks!
Edit after receiving 165 replies: First off I’d like to thank everyone. The posts in this thread have been informative and added to my internal debate regarding the situation. My initial concern with making this thread was that it was just going to be 50 posts by UK/Aus guys boasting about not paying anything, and that wouldn’t really help me reach my solution. I have two points of clarification:
1) I had previously (two weeks ago) agreed to 1m baht for the purposes of the “show plate”, as a mix of gold and money, but that it would all be returned to me after the ceremony that evening once the guests have all left. This was expressed to me by my gf rather than her parents though. The parents informed us last night that they’d be holding half (about $15k USD) for “safe keeping”.
2) I have to leave the country in two weeks for other matters (I do have a long-stay visa, so that doesn’t need to be part of the convo). So I’m considering simply not coming back and booking onward travel to the USA. All of my possessions (other than shared cooking appliances) would be packed up in my luggage anyway.
I really am torn regarding this situation.
