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Wednesday, March 29, 2023

10 Tips to become a miserable expat

Reader Submission

  1. Avoid learning any Thai language whatsoever, remember its only Thais and Asians that can speak Thai, its not possible for Westerners. Keep your limited beliefs intact to ensure you do not grasp any Thai, defend your right to not learn Thai profusely.
  2. Make sure your budget is below the costs of everything you plan to do, this will ensure a strong fight when negotiating with paying for goods and services which ensures those around you are just as miserable
  3. Avoid Thai culture books and advice. It’s important to force Thais to learn your culture and fit around that.
  4. Ensure you find other like-minded individuals that you can complain and moan to about your home country problems and all the things Thai people need to change to ensure it fits around how you think things should be.
  5. Make sure you are in an unhappy relationship and stay faithful, then make sure you watch your friends go out and have the best times of their lives.
  6. Keep the moral high ground about not paying for sexual services
  7. Complain about everything in Pattaya,  keep complaining until everyone is doing things right. (or as you think its right)
  8. Complain about a bad meal experience online, just to let everyone else know how problem less your life is and show your willingness to find some conflict and inflict negativity on others.
  9. Spend your days in Pattaya groups trolling businesses,  troll anyone that is living your dream, anyone that is doing remotely well. This will try and help create misery at all levels of society.
  10. Avoid volunteer and paid work, you need lots of free time to dwell on all your problems. If anyone questions your lack of work/effort into the community, just tell them that you can’t get a work permit and how Thailand doesn’t want any of us here or making money.  Don’t compare it to work permit registration and procedures at home, we need people to feel it’s unfair and racist.By keeping your time free, you will have lots of time to find social, health, cultural and relationship problems.

Bonus Tip

If you are bored at home with absolutely f**k all to do everyday, now is a good time to focus on your hard-working neighbours, they are easy targets with such little time to fight back. This is your last chance to show the world how strong-minded you are by fighting over your boundaries or letting your dogs bark at will all day.

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